You're completely useless in the revolution.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
