She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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