dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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