and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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