He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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