I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Banned from zoo.
Again?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
