Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
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I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
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I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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