I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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