got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
