Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
