i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
then he tried to convert me to islam
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
