Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
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I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
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