I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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