he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
