I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
