Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Holy shit dude........stairs
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
