Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
