Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Randomize
