yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Mom said you looked used
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize