3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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