I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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