I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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