Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
