i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
two words...techno handjob
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
