Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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