If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I could fuck to npr.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
