I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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