So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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