Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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