I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
