i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
