Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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