You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
