just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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