wake up i wanna do it froggy style
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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