I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
