it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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