Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
