It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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