To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Randomize
