I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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