i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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