dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
