You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
