i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
