I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
