I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
