he referred to my room as the tit cave...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
