Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.