ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.