if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize