dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
would you consider him our boss?
then technically i slept with our boss
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
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It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
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Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF