3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize