so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i think my cat just said my name.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
