why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
