i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
