did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
