There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
