O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
