Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
