Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm passing your future prison.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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