Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
