I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
