so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
