It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
