How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
