you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
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I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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