yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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