There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
