I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
