So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I understand Curling. That high.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
