If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
