She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
