it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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