I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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