A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
