You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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