We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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