I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
