Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize