yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
