it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
