Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
