I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
