3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
