Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
