All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
