I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
