No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
