okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
