and next time when you feel me up, do it right
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
